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Today was the three month check up for the nasty bugger bits of cancer which have infused themselves in the wifie’s small intestines.  Earlier in the week blood was drawn and CT Scans were taken in preparation for our meeting with Dr. Guari Nagargoje, a very pleasant and positive person as well as impressive doctor.  As she reviewed the results of the tests with us she explained we are at a point of 50/50.  Fifty percent of the doctors reviewing the wifie’s state would recommend more chemotherapy, the other fifty percent would recommend doing nothing and let the physical symptoms determine the next move.  Dr. Nagargoje is in the ladder and recommended since the wifie has been feeling so much better following the surgery and chemo, and given the fact the cancer hasn’t grown or spread we should do nothing except continue regular monitoring of the nasty bugger bits as well as continue tracking the recurrence of physical symptoms in a journal.

There are pros and cons to either of these paths.  For the chemotherapy path it would be a much more aggressive form of chemotherapy than before, there is no guarantee it would rid her of the cancer and it may even leave scar tissue in her small intestines where the tumors were resulting in a continuation of the physical symptoms.  On the flip side, doing nothing means she continues to carry the tumors with her and as history has shown will have boughts of pain and some days of poopie unpleasantness.  Although, is there ever really pleasantness around poopie?  The cancer could grow and become more aggressive at which point we would have to change course.

One more item the CT scan revealed was a cyst on one of the wifie’s ovaries.  For this she will be following up with her OBGYN. During the surgery last July her OBGYN and surgeon made the determination that her ovaries appeared healthy and cancer free so they didn’t remove them. Ovarian cysts are very common and there are many types, Dr. Nagargoje wasn’t alarmed by this and suggested the follow up with the OBGYN happen within a month or so.

As we wrapped up our visit Dr. Nagargoje commented on two more “ah dangit” items.  First, she will no longer be servicing the Princeton Fairview Hospital, so for our next visit in six months the nasty bugger bits we will turned over to a new oncologist.  Second, the wifie has gained eight pounds since her last visit just three months ago.  The wifie attempted a rationale that the tumors must be adding the weight, but since they were with her three months ago this didn’t fly with the doc.  So she resigned herself to the notion that she has gained as much weight as a new born babe….

When I was in sixth grade, a pudgy young man with a really bad afro and brand new to town, I was befriended by a fellow classmate named Garry. Up to that point in my life I didn’t know what faith was and my family really didn’t participate in church.  Garry started inviting me to various youth events and one of the very first I ever attended was a roller-skating trip to Cheap Skate. On that trip was this foxy older girl. Ah man, she was hot and had her own roller-skates with these huge fuzzy pom-poms. Call it fate, kismet, or the holy spirit at play because the foxy girl I met that day would become the love of my life and with just a bit of convincing, my wife. And that is where our story with the green church begins.
 
Through my confirmation years I started to find my faith.  Many of my life lessons and lifelong friends were discovered right there in that musty fellowship hall. I remember on one occasion the smart ass young man that I was, I snuck up behind Hank (one of the youth leaders) and pretended to wax his then balding head. He didn’t take to kindly to that and scolded me in front of the entire class, a bit of humility and respect were instilled in me that day. Pastor Joel’s first day of ministry at St. John was our confirmation day. He had me quaking in my shoes as he barked at us about all the questions he was going to quiz us with while we stood in front of the congregation. Humor, it turns out was one of his best suits and I loved his positive spirit about life and unyielding faith he saw in everything.
 
A few years later Pastor Joel was consoling us as we laid my father to rest. Gone to soon, without warning and after he and I hadn’t spoken in a year, it was a very tough time. Pastor Joel shared in our grief and yet was able to counsel us through as the Wifie and I prepared for the next big step in our lives. One month later on a warm autumn day we were again at the front of St. John as we said our marriage vows. Young love twinkling in our eyes as we embarked on our life as one. If we had known how rough those first few years would be we might have run screaming in opposite directions. But through it all St. John was there. They put groceries on our table when we couldn’t afford to eat. Pastor Joel lead us through sessions together when we were too angered to speak, and the holy spirit kept us together when our love was too blind to see.
 
When Michael was born and passed it once again was our faith and the community of St. John giving us strength to carry on. Not long after we were blessed with a strong and healthy son, then a few years later another. Both baptized by the Holy Water within that sanctuary dedicated to St. John. During each of their baptisms the Wifie and I stood before the congregation and made a commitment to raise our sons in glory to God, to teach them the word, and to be active participants of the church. We have fulfilled that commitment and today are proud of our sons. They are both intelligent, polite, caring young men, each with a strong faith of their own.
 
Through this journey we have participated in just about every committee, group, or event St. John has. We have seen the wonder of making a financial commitment starting with meager coins in our pocket, to a regular offering, to tithing, to being able to give back and help support the church during some financially rough times. We have both had our strength and faith challenged, yet somehow, some way we made it through and our experiences have made us better for it.
 
Unfortunately, the recent chapter in our St. John lives is one of pain and sorrow. We have a pastor and leadership team who have all but completely ignored us, ridiculed us, and have accused us of everything  from lying, to spying, to stealing. We have seen a cloud of paranoia and distrust take root and lead the day. This last year has broken our hearts and our faith in St. John. As I type this I am even asking myself why I am bothering to try and explain how we feel since those who need to hear it most refuse to read any of my written words…..

Watching Boogie Nights, is how we spend that last little bit of our afternoon together today.  We started our day heading to the hospital to visit with the Oncologist for a check up.  The wifie has had a couple bouts of stomach issues since her chemo ended, but it hasn’t been as bad as it was before.  She is down a bit in weight, but nothing alarming.  The doctor ask that she start a daily poopie diary to keep track when she is having issues.  The wifie tried to enlist me to be the poopie inspector, however I think that is a job she can handle all by herself.  Her next appointments are in May, one for more lab tests and a CT scan and one for a follow up with the Oncologist to review the results of those tests as well as the poopie diary.  I wonder if it’s an exciting diary if we could sell it as a movie script…..

This year as we put up the tree we were reminded of how many years we have been together as a couple and a family.  For each of those years this little Christmas tree angel has watched over our family.  Steady as time, never changing, never wavering from her perch, she has seen us grow from a young couple, to a young family, to a family with two mature young men.  Through sicknesses and health, through financial hardships, job changes, career path moves, education decisions, and now even retirement planning.  She has seen the passing of the generation of our grandparents, to the aging of our parents and the coming and going of many beloved pets.  Through it all she remains, and no matter which holiday everyone celebrates this season, or even if you don’t, her light shines each year reminding us of the undying positive spirit of hope.

It’s been a month since the last chemo treatment.  Today was the follow up appointment with the wifies oncologist and the news was encouraging.  Her tumors aren’t completely gone, but they are smaller.  All of her physical symptoms are gone, which means no more atomic vomiting and all of her plumbing is back to working normally.  She hasn’t had any pain or headaches recently either.  However, one of the side effects of feeling better and no longer vomiting is the wifies appetite has come back, resulting in the doctor warning her about how people get past the physical symptoms and then begin gaining weight.  For some reason when the oncologist was warning her about weight gain she was glancing at my tummy…

The plan now is to go back in three months for a check point with the oncologist to see if any of the physical symptoms have come back.  Then in six months go back for another CT scan to see if the tumors are still shrinking.  If not, the next step would be more aggressive chemo.  We are encouraged by the news and hopeful that in six months the tumors will still be on the retreat.

So overall the news was good, but our time there wasn’t as exciting as I had hoped it would be.  We arrived early and the oncologist was running late, so we had almost forty minutes of free time after we were roomed and before the oncologist came in.  I wanted to make use of the exam table and possibly the stirrups and have a little “doctor” play of our own.  What a great distraction we could have to the reason we were there, but even after trying the puppy dog eyes the wifie still maintained her composure and thus we settled on some good quality chatting time.

Monday was the last chemo treatment in this series and now the wifie has a break for the next four weeks.  Then she goes back for a CT scan to see the status of the tumors.  We are optimistic that they will be gone and we can put this chapter of our lives behind us.

During the sessions they have been giving her a series of premeds to counteract the side effects of the chemo.  The premeds make her drowsy and she has been dosing for much of the time she is in the chemo chair.  Well, when she sleeps, she snores….  I was teasing her that she was snoring so loudly she drove me out of the room and I went down to the cafeteria for a break and a snack.  There was a nurse nearby who responded to my jest, “If you think she was snoring loud when you left, you shout have heard after you were gone!”

The nurses we encountered were all wonderful and the wifie left them with a bag of chocolates and a wish - even though we had grown fond of them, the wifie nevers wants to see their smiling faces again……one can only hope. 

Today the wifie had her third Chemo treatment.  She only has one more left and we will be done with this series.  After that, she will have a one month break, then a CT scan and the moment of truth to find out if any of the tumors remain.  We are very optimistic as this form of cancer is very treatable and since there is a form of Chemo that directly targets the B-Cell Lymphoma which inhabits her twisty and turny intestines.

During the session today it only took two pokes of the needle to find a welcoming vein.  During the last session it took five pokes and then halfway through that vein cried uncle and a sixth was enlisted to finish the job.  The wifie’s arms are starting to look as if she is “Little Ms. Pin Cushion” in a circus side show.  Even so, her spirits remains high and she is as cheery as ever.  Sporadically she is having boughs of nausea, however, she still as good energy and is able to jabber out her minimum of a million words a day.

Just one more week, just one more treatment and we will be just one step closer to kicking this thing to the curb.

Today was Day One of the chemotherapy treatments.  Once we arrived the nurses started with a saline solution and then some Benadryl.  The Benadryl had the effect of first making her a bit loopy and then put her out for a couple hours.  Before she dosed off they started the Rituxan.  Since this was her first treatment in the series they started very slowly in its dosage and ramped it up every 30 minutes.  All was fine for the first couple hours then the nausea started.  The nurses stopped the IV and called for some anti-nausea medications.  After some rather nasty expulsions wifie fell asleep and rested for a couple more hours.  During which time the anti-nausea medications were given.  Once she felt up to it, they started the chemo drip again and for the rest of the afternoon she did fine.

The room we were in had three infusion therapy chairs and for most of the day we were the only ones there.  Although, when we first arrived there was a cute little old lady named Judy having a treatment.  She is battling colon cancer which has spread to her liver.  So far her chemo treatments are going well and today she was getting a different treatment as they have taken off her normal chemo to give her body a break.  Now we all know that little old ladies like to gab, and if you know the wifie at all you know she likes to gab, so for a while there was non-stop chitter-chatter about everything under the sun.  Just as Judy was finishing her treatment the effects of the Benedryl started to take affect on wifie and the room fell silent.

By the time we went home (almost eight hours later) wifie was feeling well and we even stopped to acquire some bread and other items from the grocery store.  She rested at home and we had a quick bit of nourishment before settling in for the evening….

The wifie went for a bone marrow biopsy. We should know the results sometime this week.  Her Oncologist is doing the test as a precaution, they are hopeful the cancer hasn’t spread there.  They took two samples, one from each hip.  The bandages stayed on for 48 hours and when they came off all that was left were two puncture marks.  It looked like she had been bitten by a vampire with a huge bite.
 
The test went well and she had no pain at all during the test.  Once we got home she slept for a few hours and upon waking had some back pain.  She described it as having bad menstrual cramps, well that helps describe the pain for me - now doesn’t it!  She took Tylenol and sat with some ice packs and that helped.  A couple days after the test the pain was gone and she was back to appearing as if nothing was wrong.

Actually, ever since the surgery she has been doing extremely well.  If we didn’t know she was sick, you wouldn’t even be able to tell.  Our guess is that the four inches of intestine they took out must have been the section causing her the most problems.  Now each time we head for another test or treatment the wifie jokes that she is feeling well and going to the hospital to get sick!

Doesn’t it seem everyday there is some new standard we have to measure ourselves by?  We need to have a new hair style, wear the latest fashion, drive the trendy car, use the coolest technology….the list goes on and on.  My question is who is setting these standards, whose yardstick is it anyway?

My first thought was, it the pressures of society.  But what does that really mean?  Dictionary.com defines society as an organized group of persons associated together for religious, benevolent, cultural, scientific, political, patriotic, or other purposes. So in essence it us as a collective group that is deciding these standards.  The issue comes when we no longer want to or can adhere to the collective group of standards. 

Let’s take fashion as an example.  What do you wear when you are at home, have nothing to do that day and will just be lazing around the house?  I bet it’s not the same thing you would wear if you were heading into work, or to church, or to a funeral?  At home, in our own personal environment we are free to use our own personal fashion yardstick.  Why is this?  Why do we care what others think about what we wear when we are out of our personal environment?  It would seem there are more questions around the society standards than there are answers.

My point in all of this is, we as individuals should take control of our own yardsticks.  Don’t let society set the standards, and when it tries pull out your yardstick and give society a good spanking!